What Went Wrong? / Television News
The greatest reality TV show of all time was never meant to be, but we all collectively have made it in to one: television news never fails to be whatever we want it to be.
TV news somehow managed to become a new age version of print media, vying for you attention like a long-lost relative trying to be hip and relate to you even though they are well past 50. It never quite seems to invoke the intention it wants without coming off as desperate and beleaguered. It yells at you, it chastises you, and it demands you remain fully attentive to what it has to say. Luckily for television though, it has flashy and catchy images to keep you from moving on to more important and productive things.
Access to TV news is usually limited to the TV set itself. Now for some people like me, watching TV is less desirable than committing Seppuku. Yet television news has managed to move closer to an online platform. It’s usually limited to letting the consumer access a handful of articles, at which point you will read something interesting, forget about it, come back and find the article is no longer there because something else happened in the world. The advantage to being able to watch the TV news is that everything is already pre-packaged and requires little more than for you to sit and watch while your eyes glaze over and you enter a comatose state.
That said, TV news has a strong emphasis on sensationalism no matter the subject matter (which is usually nothing). I don’t mean to say there’s nothing newsworthy to report; it’s just that there is nothing at that time to report. Television news knows as soon as you look away they have lost an audience member, so it attempts to keep your interest like a friend who gets completely blitzed-out drunk and yells, “WATCH THIS!”. They send the camera to places where nothing is happening, or to idle reporters reflecting on their life choices in all sorts of weather, or to otherwise incredibly-tedious situations.
The dialogue is usually along the lines of “What’s the latest news Robert?” “Well nothing yet Steve, but we expect something to happen”. “Well we will keep our eye on that Robert, and in other news, an elephant exploded in YouTube’s headquarters today…” It makes you feel out of the loop and uninformed, whereby you turn to internet sources, but the television is a tricky little imp and has picked up on this.
The other way it attempts to grab ahold of you and pummel your face with useless updates, is through the “interactive” portions. This is the networks’ way of making you feel like part of the action via tweeting or commenting on the story. The insight shared is usually about as deep as the shallow end of an inflatable pool. The comments themselves range from tactical assessments of how many nukes should be dropped on a country; to strong opinions on how to fix global issues in two simple steps like a world dictator would; and my personal favorite, which are individuals that merely say, “Shame on (insert noun) for (insert entire story)”.
Maybe the comments get read on the air or featured in a ticker, or at least until something actually happens. Then they cut live, and all those comments are forgotten. These interactions are a ghastly illusion as they weren’t there to interact with anybody, but just to keep them engaged in nothingness.
Fear mongering is TV’s greatest shock force to get you hooked. “How else can we keep people watching?” the news executives ponder while reading over the latest character assassination schedule. “Let’s kill ’em all!” the executives finally agree. Thus, a new story about how something will end you is born.
Your car is going to explode, murdering you and the entire western hemisphere. Cell phones will become sentient and want revenge, and it’s live streaming so that serial killers can get to you. Or perhaps you’ll die from this new thing you’ll never come across or have been living with your whole life! “O FUCK! WHAT CAN I DO?!” you think. Well keep on watching because they have the solution…right after the commercial break!
If it’s not killing you, I find that most television fear mongering revolves around how some internet celebrity is ruining your children; or how videos games are destroying society; or that “technology is betraying you and it can’t be trusted”, despite media urging you to use it to stay looking at them… because that’s totally fine. The point of these stories is to keep you hooked without ever having to reel you in. They don’t need to give you answers or provide any sort of valuable information. The news just keeps you wondering what is next, primarily because your life now depends on it.
With that all said, TV news usually has nothing unique to report that you can’t find on your own. If you manage to slip and through the barricades that are trying to keep you locked In, you may find yourself going elsewhere or look for information on your own. It’s everything television and print news don’t want to happen but you’ll do it anyways because you’re an adult and don’t have a bedtime anymore.
You’re moving out of mom’s basement and will finally ask Sarah out on a date, and then you will demand a raise from your boss! Although perhaps you should get some rest first, and check what’s on the local news channel.
